Luxury Moscow Apartment: Hanaka Orekhovy 11 - Unbelievable Views!
Luxury Moscow Apartment: Hanaka Orekhovy 11 - Unbelievable Views! - A Review That's Actually Useful (and a Little Crazy)
Okay, so, Luxury Moscow Apartment: Hanaka Orekhovy 11. Sounds fancy, right? And the "Unbelievable Views!" part? Well, buckle up, because this review is gonna be less brochure and more "what actually happened" – with all the messy bits, the glorious bits, and the slightly-too-much-vodka-at-breakfast bits.
Accessibility & Safety - Trying to be Grown-Up (and Failing Sometimes)
Alright, accessibility. Let's be real, “Luxury” and “Accessible” don’t always go hand in hand in Moscow, do they? I didn’t personally test the wheelchair situation (thankfully!), but the description does say "Facilities for disabled guests" and an elevator is present… crucial. There's also CCTV everywhere, which is reassuring, though I’m not sure if I want to know how many cameras are pointing where. The presence of a 24-hour front desk is a godsend – especially when you need a translator at 3 AM because you're pretty sure you set off the smoke alarm while attempting to make toast. (Don’t judge. The Russian bread is amazing, and the toaster… well, it had a mind of its own.) They also have a doorman, so you pretty much feel like royalty. It would be great to be able to order your toast to your room, though! I guess that is what I love (and hate) most about luxury.
Speaking of safety, the COVID protocols were pretty solid. Felt secure walking around and the staff definitely knew hygiene. Hand sanitizer was everywhere (which is good, because, well, Moscow!), and they were taking the sanitization stuff seriously. Anti-viral cleaning products? Check. Room sanitization opt-out? Also check (though, honestly, I didn’t want to opt out, because paranoia is a real travel companion these days). Honestly, they were probably more cautious than my own house. They clearly had staff trained in safety protocol and even individually-wrapped food options. The downside is, I was there pre-Covid and there's not much that one can do to take all of the bad and bad bits of the old world away.
Internet and Tech - Can I Stream My Russian Reality TV Dramas?
Yes! Free Wi-Fi in all rooms. Praise be! Not just in some rooms. All. And it was pretty darn reliable, which is a HUGE plus when you're trying to Facetime your cat back home (yes, I truly am that person) or, you know, actually work. There was even, get this, Internet [LAN], if you’re old-school like me and still prefer to jack in. However, here's my confession: I spent way too many hours just watching Russian reality TV shows – which I probably should be ashamed of, but the drama was delicious.
Things to Do (Besides Admiring the Views!) - A Whirlwind of Well-Being (or My Attempt At It)
Okay, the “Unbelievable Views!” are no joke. Seriously, you could spend an entire vacation just staring out the window. But if you want to, like, do stuff (besides contemplate the meaning of life over a steaming cup of tea), Hanaka Orekhovy 11 has options.
- The Spa: Alright, the Spa/Sauna was… well, I’m not a spa person at all. The concept of a Body scrub, a Body wrap, and a Foot bath feels… intimidating. But I did venture into the Sauna and Steamroom, and they were blissful. Pure, sweating, relaxing bliss. Then I did the Massage, and let me tell you, after a day of navigating the Moscow metro (which is an adventure in itself), it was heaven.
- The Fitness Center: I did attempt to hit the Gym/fitness, but after the Russian pastries and the aforementioned reality TV binges… let’s just say my motivation waned. It looked well-equipped, though!
- The Pool (with a View!): Honestly! Pool with view? Yes, please! This was a major highlight. Swimming laps while gazing out at the city skyline? Pure decadence.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking - Let's Talk Food (and Maybe Regret)
This is where things get interesting, because, well, food. Hanaka Orekhovy 11 delivers on this front.
- Restaurants: There are several restaurants, thankfully. I mean, you can't live on reality TV and croissants forever (okay, maybe you can, but I didn’t want to). A A la carte in restaurant (which for the uncultured, like myself, means choosing from a menu) is present, as is the Buffet in restaurant, both of which were great. They have Asian cuisine in restaurant, and the salad in restaurant was fantastic. They have a Bar, and a Coffee shop: I should have taken advantage of more!
- Room Service (24-hour): This is the key to any good vacation, isn’t it? Room service is everything when you're exhausted from sightseeing, and at Hanaka Orekhovy 11, you can get it any time. The Breakfast in room was particularly wonderful.
- Breakfast in room & Buffet I am very much into this as a choice. I am a classic buffet guy and a big order-it-to-the-room kind of person. So bonus points for me!
- Snack bar: A Snack bar! What more could I ask for?
Services and Conveniences - Because Life Should Be Easy (and a Little Spoiled)
- Air conditioning in public area. It made the experience of lounging and working at the hotel bearable.
- Doorman: Always a delight to have my door opened for me!
- Concierge: These folks were genuinely helpful, especially when I needed assistance navigating the Cyrillic alphabet on a metro map.
- Laundry service: Crucial when you’re traveling and have a tendency to spill red wine on yourself (true story).
- Cash withdrawal: Phew! Always a relief when I'm out of cash.
- Gift/souvenir shop. A small shop to pick up a couple of things to bring home.
- Meeting/banquet facilities: Well, I definitely didn't use these, though I believe they are used for Meetings, Seminars, and Indoor venue for special events.
In-Room Amenities - My Personal Fortress of Comfort
Okay, here's where the apartment shines.
- The View: Seriously, I had a High floor apartment, and the views were… breathtaking. You could just stare out the Window that opens for hours. (Blackout curtains are included, so if you don’t want to be blinded by the sunrise, you’re in luck.)
- The Bed: The Extra long bed was heavenly.
- The Little Stuff: Every aspect was perfect. Bathrobes, slippers, and complimentary tea? Free bottled water? Yes, yes, and bless you.
- The Bathroom: I love a great bathroom. A Separate shower/bathtub, with a Mirror, Toiletries, and Hair dryer! Pure joy.
The Quirks, the Imperfections, and the Honest Verdict
Look, no place is perfect. Did I trip up the stairs once? Yes. Did I accidentally order a dish of something I thought was dessert, but turned out to be… well, let’s just say it involved a lot of pickled vegetables? Also yes. But honestly? Those little imperfections just added to the charm.
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Final Verdict?
Would I go back? In a heartbeat. Hanaka Orekhovy 11 is a splurge, for sure, but it’s a memorable experience. The views alone are worth it, but all the other bells and whistles (and the slightly-too-much-vodka breakfast) made it something truly special. Just remember to pack your sense of adventure, a willingness to try new things (and
Sapporo Sunshine: 5-Min Airport & Subway Access!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's perfectly planned travel itinerary. This is… my attempt to survive Moscow, starting at Apartment Hanaka Orekhovy 11. Pray for me.
Moscow Mayhem: A Mostly-Coherent Attempt at Sightseeing (and Staying Sane)
Day 1: Arrival and Existential Dread (and Pelmeni)
- 10:00 AM: Touchdown at Sheremetyevo Airport. My first thought? "Wow, that's a lot of Cyrillic." Second thought? "Did I pack enough socks? I'm already regretting the whole 'minimalist packing' thing." The airport smells faintly of disinfectant and a kind-of-sweet perfume. I think this is going to be a recurring theme, both the scent and the regret.
- 11:30 AM: Taxi (hopefully not a scam – wish me luck) to Apartment Hanaka Orekhovy 11. Google Maps informs me it is approximately 45 minutes away, depending on traffic.
- Rambling Aside: I booked this place partly because the pictures looked charming (and the price was right), and partly because “Hanaka Orekhovy 11” sounds like a secret code for a spy operation. I'm half-expecting a hidden passage behind the bookshelf. The other half suspects it's a glorified cupboard.
- 12:15 PM: (Assuming I arrive un-kidnapped) Check-in and collapse. Evaluate the apartment. Is it as charming in person as it seemed online? More importantly, does it have a functioning shower? I am very attached to my daily ablutions.
- 1:30 PM: Lunch! This is crucial. Fueling up is essential for avoiding total meltdown. I'm thinking nearby I try to find a hole-in-the-wall pelmeni place because I'm obsessed with dumplings. Finding it is difficult, I wander into places that seem empty, but the women were so old and I could see into their souls through their eyes. Their eyes held no love for me and I changed my mind and try to find some place a bit more alive.
- Anecdote Time: I once tried to order food knowing only three Russian words: "Spasibo" (thank you), "Da" (yes), and "Vodka" (obviously). It did not go well. I ended up with something involving fish, onions, and a suspicious amount of mayonnaise. This trip, I'm armed with Google Translate… mostly.
- 3:00 PM: Recover and attempt to learn some basic Russian phrases. "Please," "Thank you," and "Where's the bathroom?" are probably a good starting point. The phrase "I am hopelessly lost" might also come in handy.
- 5:00 PM: Late afternoon wander. I feel like I need to just get a feel for my surroundings. Start with a gentle stroll in the neighbourhood to orient myself. Maybe find a grocery store and stock up on snacks. Chocolate is a necessity, people. An absolute necessity.
- 7:00 PM: Dinner at a recommended restaurant (research needed – Yelp or Google reviews are a friend). Maybe try some authentic Russian cuisine. Or, you know, pizza, if things go south.
- 9:00 PM: Back to the apartment. Journaling, planning, and the endless scrolling of social media to see what others are up to. Or, just me being completely exhausted.
Day 2: Red Square, Red Faces (and Art! Maybe.)
- 9:00 AM: Wake up to whatever the city is up to. Hopefully not sirens, but if so, maybe I'll roll with it, or maybe I won't.
- 10:00 AM: Finally, let's see the famed Red Square. Prepare to be astonished! This is probably going to be the most “touristy” thing I do, but whatever I've paid to go.
- Quirky Observation: I bet Lenin's tomb attracts a lot of selfies. I am already preparing my own.
- Emotional Reaction: I'm cautiously excited. History! Architecture! Cold weather! I might even shed a tear or two. (It could be the cold.)
- 12:00 PM: Lunch somewhere near Red Square. Probably overpriced, but hey, immersive experience!
- 1:30 PM: GUM Department Store. Window-shopping, people-watching, and maybe a peek inside. I'm not sure I can afford anything, but the architecture is supposed to be stunning.
- 3:00 PM: State Historical Museum, assuming I can find a way to read the descriptions. I'm relying on the audio guide or some luck.
- 5:00 PM: Metro ride! Moscow's metro is supposed to be a sight in itself. I will see myself if I can figure out the ticketing system. Wish me luck with that!
- 7:00 PM: Dinner at a restaurant I actually am able to find and get into.
- 9:00 PM: Head back to my apartment and have some form of a bedtime routine. Or, maybe just pass out from sheer exhaustion.
Day 3: Art, Babushkas, and (Possibly) Vodka
- 9:00 AM: Wake up, take a shower, and marvel at the fact that I'm still alive.
- 10:00 AM: Tretyakov Gallery. Immerse myself in Russian art. Pretend I understand high art.
- Messy Structure: Oh man, art museums. Sometimes I feel like I'm looking at a lot, but am getting nothing back. But still I try.
- Opinionated Language: I'm not a huge art person, I am more into people than canvas. But I know I should appreciate this, and I am trying. I'll probably judge the art a lot, but with respect!
- 1:00 PM: Lunch. Hopefully a place nearby the art gallery.
- 2:00 PM: Stroll through a local park. If I see a babushka selling flowers, I might buy one. Or, I may avoid them because I don't have any cash.
- Anecdote - The Babushka Conundrum: I once tried to use my credit card to buy an ice cream from a babushka, and she almost had a heart attack. Cash is king, people.
- 4:00 PM: Vodka tasting? If I'm feeling brave/foolish. Or maybe just a small shot at a cozy bar. I have been warned.
- Stronger Emotional Reaction: Okay, I'm actually a little terrified of the vodka part.
- 7:00 PM: Last dinner in Moscow! Trying a local spot.
- 9:00 PM: Pack, check out, and try to get on my flight without too much drama.
Day 4: Departed…Hopefully I'll have the story to tell, and hopefully I'm still alive.
Important Notes & Imperfections:
- Language Barrier: I do not speak Russian. This might be a problem.
- Navigation: I will rely on Google Maps and sheer luck.
- Weather: It's Moscow. Prepare for anything.
- Food: I am open to trying new things, but I will judge you if you make me eat something squishy.
- Flexibility: This itinerary is more of a suggestion, not a commandment. I am prepared to deviate wildly, get lost, and have a total blast. Or, you know, fall apart.
- Emotional Rollercoaster: Expect highs, lows, and a whole lot of "What have I gotten myself into?" moments.
- The Apartment: Has to have the functioning shower! This is non-negotiable!
- The most important thing: Survive. Survive and tell the tale.
So, yeah, that's my "plan." Wish me luck. I'll update you with the real stories! Wish me luck and cheers!
Boracay Paradise Found: Your Dream Morning at Boracay Beach Resort!
Okay, let's be honest. Is the view *really* "unbelievable" at Hanaka Orekhovy 11? That's quite a claim.
Right, let's cut the marketing fluff, shall we? "Unbelievable" feels like something they paste on *everything*, doesn't it? But... yeah. Actually, yeah. It *is* unbelievable. I'm talking the kind of view that makes you stop mid-sentence and go, "Whoa." Like, I walked in, expecting the usual 'city view' hype, you know? Buildings, a bit of sky... Meh. But then… BAM! The entire freakin' city laid out before you. The spires of the Kremlin – little toothpicks in the distance. The river, a silver ribbon. I kid you not, I felt like I was King Kong, but instead of destroying the city, I just wanted to… *worship* it. Okay, maybe that's a bit much. But the sunsets? Forget about it. Seriously, pack tissues. Or a flask of vodka. Your call.
The building itself – is it as posh and shiny as the pictures suggest? Or are there tell-tale signs of, you know, wear and tear?
Alright, the building. It’s…fancy. Really fancy. Like, my jeans felt out of place, you know? Walking in, you're hit with this wave of expensive perfume and hushed tones. The lobby? Marble. Obvious marble. So clean, I was afraid to breathe too hard. The elevator? Probably capable of teleportation, it moved so smoothly. However… and this is the honest part… there's a tiny (and I mean *tiny*) imperfection. You know how they say Russians build things to last? Well in one of the elevators, you can subtly see a bit of the old paint from a previous renovation. See? Imperfection. It's those little bits that make things real, you know? A bit of history of the building, in fact. But let's not dwell, it's still better than my flat's elevator, which groans like it's about to give birth to a cat.
Let's talk about the interior. Is it as "luxury" as they, well, are billing it? You know, the furniture, the appliances, all that jazz.
Okay, the interior. Prepare to be floored. Seriously. The furniture? Probably cost more than my entire annual salary. The appliances? Smart enough to order me breakfast *and* judge my cereal choices. I'm talking top-of-the-line stuff. Seriously. But here's a confession: I'm a bit of a klutz. And by "a bit," I mean I once tripped over a rug in my own apartment and broke a chair. So, I was a little *terrified* of messing anything up. There was this beautiful, HUGE, pristine white sofa. I practically tiptoed around it for the entire time I was there. I envisioned spilled coffee, red wine... It was a constant battle between wanting to RELAX and wanting to preserve the pristine perfection. It gave me a tiny bit of anxiety, if I'm honest. But the bathroom? Oh, the bathroom... I need to tell you about the bathroom... It was bigger than my bedroom! There was a walk-in shower that could fit a small family. I tried the bath... oh, the bath... and the jets and the music and the bubbles... it was almost worth the stress from the sofa!
Is it easy to get around from that location? Moscow traffic is notoriously brutal.
Traffic. Ah, Moscow traffic. It's a beast. Honestly, I don't *love* Moscow traffic, but for this building's location, it's actually not *too* bad. Public transport is well connected (metro, buses) so you can get around relatively quickly. The trick is avoiding rush hour -- which, let's be real, is practically all day. The taxis can be expensive but you'll get you there fast. This means that you are pretty close to transport links, and can easily get to many different places. Don't expect it to be a breeze, though. Moscow is Moscow. But you're not going to be sitting in gridlock staring at the back of a Lada for hours on end, at least not *every* day.
Any downsides? Because nothing's perfect, right? What sucked about the experience?
Okay, downsides. Let's be real. Nothing’s perfect, and I’m not some paid shill (although, if the building management is reading this… you know where to find me). First, that pristine sofa. Anxiety City, population: ME. Second, it *is* expensive. Let's not pretend otherwise. This is not budget travel. And third… you're always aware of being *watched*. There are security cameras everywhere, which in my book is a fair trade off. I had to make sure I was not creating trouble! It added to the feeling of being slightly… on display. But, considering the view, the luxury, and the fact that I wasn't sleeping on my own, lumpy sofa, I guess the downsides were…. manageable. Mostly.
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